i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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