I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
