I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
