If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
