I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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