I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
