Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
