How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
