Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
