Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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