Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
