There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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