i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
