I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
