whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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