he shaved USA in his pubs
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
