i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
