I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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