He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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