i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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