i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
