Screwed.edu
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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