I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
