I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
why is half of my head shaved?
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