Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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