i wish my penis had a tongue
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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