I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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