Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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