Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
