it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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