I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
