You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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