If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
