you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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