She said her name was "party"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
