the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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