just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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