Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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