There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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