Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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