I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
