Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
