My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
