Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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