It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
