glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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