Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
