I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
