Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
