I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
