At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
