I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
