i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
