Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
