yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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