using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
