im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
