THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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