apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
