K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
