i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
