ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
