I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
