Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
