dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
