Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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