Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
